Perfect me?

i'm writing this because i am frustrated.

in primary school, i was an average student. but that time, this doesn't bother me anyhow. then, in secondary school, i had a feeling, i was a jewel in school. i was the best student, i was very active in sports and co-curriculum.  teachers liked me, my friends were proud of me.( i assumed) i was good.

my teenager was good, and i used to be praised. and i was very positive in everything i did. i even believed i can do anything. yes, i might sound arrogant, but please.. understand this feeling. people around you are so positive about you. even the time you were so down and not confident, they tend to believe that you are very good. i guess i was so absorb to this feeling that i couldn't face the fact now, in my tertiary education, i am very bad!

i am now not the best student like i used to be. worse, i am among the bad. :(
we had our first exam, MOCK EXAM.. most of the acquaintances said, this is supposed to be an easy exam. but my result do not reflect so. 


i don't consider myself as a good English student, but neither the bad. i am average, but to be an educator, i must be an expert to this subject so i can teach. how can i teach if i am not good as well. right?

i am very frustrated now, at the same time, i am oppressed.

BUT!!! i am positive, i don't quit easily. if this is what i pursue- an educator, i'll make sure i done it well!
FIGHTING!!

Shammey Tey, you are POSITIVE!! :)