Since I have reverted to Muslim. The first thing that kept appeared in my mind was to get married. My early reversion period, the one and only person I wanted to get married with was Padli. even though that time, I knew I had Rafie who was waiting for me and Padli has Shima who was also waiting for her. I believed that we somehow can make our relationship work, we want to make this work. This was my first test from Allah. Ujian hati dan perasaan. It took so long to settle this test. Even until now, after a year and 5 months, I'm still finding ways to look for certainty. to let go or still hoping. However, at least now, we have decided to stop this. Once and for all. We knew that whenever we're close, we only bring ourselves away from Allah. and for this reason, I need to be strong, and be away from him. stay apart from him. Furthermore, it would be hard for him to be with me. he needs to ambil hati my family, his family still need him, he needs to support his family financially, I may have to wait long for him to come to me. To make him easy, I should let him go. And he have decided the same. He gave up. He believed that there would be no way. As for me, I don't know. Sometimes, I still want to believe. But i know it would be hard. and the only way is to pray, and hope for Allah to provide ways, ease the way, unite us again in the future in a better circumstance, in the right time. But at the same time, I learned that, Allah knows the best. things that i thought would be good for me, may be not as I expected it to be. What I do now, is to keep praying. and even if we're not meant to be. I pray for his happiness and pray for my sincerity to let him go. In case, he is really not meant to be. and if there is still hope, I'll just pray that. that time, Allah will make it easy for us, and we're at a better circumstances. only Allah knows, why am I being so stubborn. Only He knew, what we have gone through, what have we shared together, our dream, our hope, and what have I done, to look for certainty in that while I was still confused. and so, I let Allah to decide this. Whatever it is. I just want the ending will keep us closer to Allah.
it is almost the end of our degree course. and the nest test Allah have put me into was Friendship.
